A Gentle Reminder of Appreciation

Yesterday as my mom was baking cinnamon muffins in our kitchen, I asked her what my grandfather was like. You see, he died when I was young, so I never really knew him. I was only about four or five years old when he passed away.

The only memory I have of him is a Christmas we spent in Tampa one year, and that memory alone is so hazy because I was so young.

When he passed away, I remember standing in my living room and my mom being very upset about something in our kitchen. My dad said something along the lines of her being very sad because of her father, and my brother and I being so wildly confused we didn't quite know what to do. I then somehow vividly picture myself walking towards her, or perhaps she walked towards me, and us both hugging tightly as she cried. And then I cried because she was crying. I recall being sad because my mom was sad, and I don’t think at the time I understood why she was, just that I didn’t want to see her sad.

Last night, standing in our new kitchen in Tampa, a house that my parents have only had for about four and a half years, she told me about him. She told me that he was loyal. He was the kind of man who would give you the shirt off his back and not think twice about it.

She described him as a very smart man who was the first accountant at his firm to learn how to use a computer, something that later on inspired her to pursue a career in computer science. While she blames it on her aptitude, I have a hunch it has something to do with the bond she held with her father...

He was a very smart man, but also a huge goofball.

She told me about a memory she had as a child when she and her siblings wanted a dog, but he was completely against it. Yet, when my grandma brought the dog home, he secretly warmed up to him and would spoil him from time to time. My mom says she remembered catching him in the corner of their living room lounging in his armchair, tapping the side of the cushion, motioning for the pup to come over and play with him. He had a slightly tough exterior, but under that blanket of toughness was a soft, warm man with a heart of gold.

Throughout my life, they’ve described him as a leprechaun during his later years when he got sick, and no they weren’t joking. He was Irish, short with a giant beard, jolly, and had quite the belly. And of every picture I’ve seen of him, he always had the biggest smile on his face.

My mom described him as a truly good human, and he loved my grandma Carolyn greatly. Their love is what kept them together, even with family backgrounds from opposite sides of the tracks.

Later in the evening my dad walked out of my parent's bedroom and joined the conversation. Even he had the same impression of my mother's father. My dad described my grandfather, or Pappap as we used to call him, also as loyal with a heart bigger than most.

The best thing is that my dad had the blessing of knowing my Pappap throughout his and my mother's teenage years, and then again later in life when he and my mom got back together in the late ’80s. Being able to not only hear my mom's perspective of my Pappap but also my dad's point of view was very cool to see and hear.

He and my mother spoke about how when all their kids, they had six by the way (which also makes for a killer Thanksgiving family reunion every year when it’s not Covid), had finally left the house he and my grandma sort of grew. Grandma found her newfound independence, and Pappap relaxed.

Unfortunately, when he got sick, things changed. His life was cut short with multiple heart surgeries due to complications from diabetes and other health issues I’m likely not aware of. But, the thing that remained was his pure heart and loyal intentions. Whether he expressed it outwardly with words, his kindness would always shine through.

Learning these things about him makes me proud to be his grandchild, and to be my mother's daughter. She has an incredible family, full of smart, wacky, wise, happy women and men. And all of these wonderful siblings, their children, and their children’s children have always surrounded my brother and me with an incredible sense of warmth and love. I’m truly grateful for that.

With how odd the holidays are this year, it makes you appreciate those around you that much more. I’m fortunate enough to have recently tested negative for Covid and been able to fly down to be with my parents and brother for Christmas and New Year's Eve. There are others however who are not that lucky and don’t have the opportunity to be joined together with their loved ones this year.

My eighty-eight-year-old grandmother for one is spending this holiday season alone, and that breaks my heart. This is the first holiday she’s spent alone in decades, and I miss her. But, because of the season we’re living in right now due to this global pandemic, it’s much safer for me to not be around her since she is high-risk.

Being able to sit with my mom in our kitchen and talk about her father is something that I am so incredibly thankful to be able to do this year. For my friends that can’t go home this year, I am so sorry.

I realize this has been all over social media, and so many people have already been saying this, but if you have a friend or family member who is spending the holidays away from their loved ones, check on them. Remind them that you love them, appreciate them, and can’t wait to see them one day again. And, if you’re spending it alone yourself, or away from your family, I want you to know that I appreciate you and I can’t wait to be reunited with you. Whoever you are and wherever you are, I hope that you feel loved during this holiday season, because I’m pretty damn positive that you are.

My mom doesn’t have the chance anymore to tell her dad that she loves him, and I know she misses him every day. While that may have nothing to do with the current climate of our global pandemic, it’s a gentle reminder to tell the people you care about that you love them during this time.

Life is too short to not say the things we should, and need, to say to the people we care about.

So, while this little post was somewhat short, I hope it inspires you to reach out to your people and remind them that you miss them, care about them, love them - whatever it may be. Just remind them. A little verbal affirmation can go a long way during this crazy time.