The quote above was the very first thing I hung on the wall of my apartment when I first moved to Atlanta in August of 2017.
The quote is by Elsie De Wolfe, a woman I quite frankly don’t know well. She was an American actress who also happened to become an exceptionally well known interior designer in the early 1900s.
This piece of off-white textured cardstock print is surrounded by an old wooden picture frame that looks as if it had been stained an odd muted black. The text is printed in an awful typewriter-style font with the majority of the letters smeared, and yet for some peculiar reason, I felt the need to hang this first in my apartment. I had a slew of other interesting ornate things I could have chosen to hang first, but as I unpacked my clothes, shoes, pots, pans, sheets, books, and laid them all out on my bed… I still chose to pick this odd, singular item and hang it first.
I originally hung the quote right above the light switch on the right-hand side of my door as you entered my old bedroom. It wasn’t the most perfect placement, but I knew it had to be somewhere in my apartment that I would pass by each day. It was crooked, and I never fixed it. In fact, I even quite enjoyed seeing it just a tad off-kilter. It hung imperfectly alone right there beside my door.
Initially, when I received the print as a gift, I never even bothered to dive into why this special text married to Elsie's name played such an important role in my everyday life.
It’s a common theme in the various books I’ve digested that focus on self-reflection/success/growth/human psychology, that we make many of our important decisions based on unconscious emotions we aren’t actively aware of.
Most of these decisions, or better referred to as actions, create an equal or opposite effect, better referred to as reaction. And for those of you who might not have taken physics 101, this is Newton’s third law of physics. This essentially means that for every decision made producing an action, something equal or opposite has occurred in reaction to that original decision. Thus, even your tiniest decisions affect much more than you cognitively realize.
A few years ago, I read a book called Subliminal, written by Leonard Mlodinow, which tackles the various scientific ideas and concepts behind the human mind and our decision-making, exploring both the conscious and unconscious interworkings of our mind.
Mlodinow makes a very compelling argument that many of the decisions we make come from a subliminal desire within our unconscious. The unconscious desires he speaks of drive the majority of our decision making.
What I've come to realize is that this quote validates a deeper thing I strive for in my own identity. While I consciously made the decision to hang this print right by my door, I didn't quite realize the unconscious meaning behind what the real significance was to me on a daily basis, to which I've uncovered in depth through mulling this over the last few days.
More recently, I began reading Atomic Habits written by James Clear. I'm only about halfway through the book as of this Tuesday morning, but the thing that has stuck with me thus far is his interpretation of actions and reactions and how they related to your overall identity.
You see, he talks about the theory of developing identity-based habits (which you can read more about here), and sticking to them. Your behaviors are simply a reflection of yourself. The goals you set, your everyday activities, and the feelings about yourself that you outwardly portray are all imperative to developing a strong identity-based habit.
The way that James explains capitalizing on developing a strong identity-based habit is understanding the following:
Outcomes are about what you get.
Processes are about what you do.
Identity is about what you believe.
He preaches, in order to create a long-lasting habit that inevitably creates change, you need to focus on who you wish to become, not necessarily what you want to accomplish. By focusing on the "who" part of your identity, you create small outcomes and a process that impacts the identity that you're trying to solidify.
As a quick example, if I want to be a good listener, there are a few things I can actively do to contribute towards improving this identity-based habit:
Make direct eye contact
Shut my mouth
Ask intentional questions
Do something to ensure they feel heard
These are just a few things I could do to ensure I am actively listening to someone when they tell me something that could be as simple as simple directions to as large as a personal story. (Note: this is simply my personal analysis for what I believe could make me a better listener, and not necessarily what would work best for you)
Now, back to the topic at hand: the print and it's meaning to me. The print today is hanging above my door in my New York City apartment now, which is the picture you see above, two and a half years later. Now more than ever I am consciously aware of the impact that that quote has on my identity. The text brings me joy, first and foremost, but it is also something that I strive for on a personal level on a daily basis. I genuinely want to create beautiful things, always.
But actively knowing that I find this as a salient part of my identity, what could I be doing to ensure I feel like I'm bringing that piece of my identity to life?
To start, I find it important to develop good micro-habits that can begin to contribute towards my overall happiness in making everything around me beautiful.
In order to do this, I'd like to challenge myself to do the following each weekday:
Wake up earlier
Make a cup of my own coffee / go grab a coffee somewhere
Read something that brings me joy before I dive into work each day
Have intentional conversations with those I care about
Write at least 500 words of content by 10 pm
Now that we're living in the COVID reality rid of our typical commuter schedule and office setting, I simply don't have the excuse to not execute any of the above on a daily basis.
Through creating these conscious micro-habits and activating them on a daily basis, I hypothesize that they will inevitably create a positive outcome on my daily routine. And, by creating these positive outcomes, I'm activating my identity-based habit through making everything around me beautiful.
But Hayls, why does waking up earlier or having intentional conversations contribute towards making the things around you beautiful?
Below are just a few reasons why I find the above five reasons meaningful to live a life that I find beautiful:
I find the beginning of the day to be one of the most beautiful. The morning sound of the birds, the sunrise as it creeps over the buildings in Manhattan, and the silence you can blissfully enjoy before your day actually starts.
Coffee. Black. No sugar. No cream. Iced or hot, doesn't matter. That, my friend, is how I love to enjoy my coffee in the morning. I'd like to have the time in the morning to take a few single moments to enjoy my coffee before the workday starts.
If I challenge myself to read something interesting (which to me are the slew of marketing newsletters that flood my inbox at 8 am each day) before diving into work, I find it creates a more positive start to my day.
Making time for the important people in my life, and genuinely being intentional with my attention by showing interest in what's going on in their lives is something that brings me joy. It's simple, but there's beauty in showing others you genuinely care.
Writing at least 500 words a night is new to me, but it keeps me accountable to express my creative side and love for writing. While I don't have a defined direction for what I'll write about each day, the intention is always there.
What I've gathered from this personal exercise is that through my love for this quote and the meaning it holds to my identity, I have the ability to actualize it through big and small habits that can aid me in continuing to be the woman I want to be. And for that reason alone, that simple little thing that hangs above my door means more to me than most of the other silly things in my apartment.
While you may not go down the same rabbit hole that I've divulged in this composition, I hope that it sparks the same urge in you as it did for me: to identify what you can do more of on a daily basis to be more intentional with your time and veracious to your own identity.
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