In Five Years

I keep asking myself, “what do I want to do in five years?”

The question has been popping up in my head since watching an episode of Casual on Hulu a few weeks back. There’s this scene in season four where one of the main characters is struggling with something, and the leading lady says to him, “close your eyes, and picture your life in five years. Tell me what you see.” So, he does and answers.

It’s been a long minute since I’ve published anything on here. My day job has been busy, so I’ve been spending most of my time working rather than writing. Sure, I’ve found time to hang out with some friends here and there, and go a couple dates, but to be real work has been the focus as of late. And just to make it clear, this is not me complaining.

But while things have been busy, that question I mentioned above has been ping-ponging around in my brain.

I keep going back to this memory I have from a few months ago one Sunday morning when I was on my way to do laundry. I was listening to JPEG by Digitalism, walking down the road completely in my own head jamming away to the song. I passed this woman walking with giant headphones on who was paused outside of the laundromat I was headed towards. She was probably in her mid-thirties and had this incredible style… (or maybe today was her “all of my work-from-home lounge clothes are dirty so I decided to wear my 80’s rocker tee, black beanie and leather pants to do my laundry” day.)

Then I saw her again later as I was folding my clothes, perched up against one of the outside dining structures right through the window of the shop. She caught my eye again because it was as if her entire ora radiated an attitude of simply not giving a fuck. The kind of don’t-give-a-fuck way that makes you want to quit your job and open a wine store for dog-lovers who own leather handling gloves. And the best part is, she looked completely content and happy. And maybe she actually was.

But this again sparked that question in my mind. What was this woman doing with her life that gave her this presence that resonated so strongly with me? When I close my eyes and picture my life around the age that she likely is, what do I really see?

When I close my eyes, I picture myself still living in New York. For some reason I imagine that I’ve got this wicked shoulder length haircut, I’m wearing a black blazer, white t-shirt, jeans and probably a pair of black Converse (my current obsession here)... I’m probably working in advertising and I hopefully own a dog at this point in my life. Maybe I’m in a fun, loving relationship too.

In five years, I’ll be thirty-two years old, just a little under half a year away from turning thirty-three.

So, what do I really see myself doing in my thirties? What kind of person will I be? I’ve spent the majority of my twenties learning and growing, and I imagine that I’ll still be doing the same in my thirties. I don’t think that part of growing older ever really changes.

I guess the real question is: what do I want to see in five years? What do I want my life to be?

Do I want to be like her? Casually walking around in leather pants and an 80’s band tee with a don’t-give-a-fuck attitude? Perhaps.

Or maybe I want to be something a bit different. Something a bit more authentic to me.

I was once asked the question, “what do you want to be remembered for later in life?” and my answer was simple: I want to be remembered as intentional.

I try to make sure that everything I do, no matter if it be a compliment to a friend, or an activity I do throughout the day, is intentional. Knowing I do this already, I want to challenge myself to be even more intentional with some of my daily almost autopilot not-as-exciting mundane decisions I make. How I spend my down time, how I react and approach work situations, what kind of time I spend on myself, the kind of food I snack on, and more.

I want to be intentional with my time. Both the exciting and boring.

So, check. I’ve ticked off a small piece of what I want to see in myself in five years: Intention with my mundane decision making.

Now, on to career and passion. What do I want that area of my life to look like at that point in my life?

First, let’s start with defining work vs passion.

To some, there is a big win in bridging the gap between work and passion. They say you’ve truly mastered working when you’ve become passionate about what you do.

To others, there is a large separation between passion and work. Passion can be described as the small things that make you happy outside of the work environment. Whereas work can be defined as your means to an end in order to make a living and do those passionate things.

The thing is, we’ll spend about one third of our life working. Some people spend it truly working a nine to five corporate job, and others spend it differently. Many people in the world spend that third of their life parenting, an incredible job in itself, with the decision to never go, or back, to work… And that’s amazing. Other people find their passion in basketball or golf and make an incredible career out of it.

Yes, I love advertising, and it’s something that I’m passionate about and will to continue to pursue. But, when it comes to activating the other creative bones in my body that are constantly itching, I have this wild desire to do something more in addition to working in advertising. Thus, I have the desire to have a balance of both work and passion, somewhat intertwined.

Writing and painting, for me, begins to scratch that itch. But so does working in advertising. I really enjoy being in account management. Guiding clients and aiding in the overall creative process from start to finish is something that I thoroughly enjoy. And I even don’t mind the crazy, stressful part about my job. What I really love about my job though is fighting for creative ideas and helping them become something bigger and better. As someone who loves the art, it literally makes me feel good to see great creative live and breathe.

But how do I balance my love for writing and painting, but also maintain a successful career in advertising?

The truth is, I don’t think I’ll ever be okay with completely bridging the gap between the two. To me, I think it’s important to have multiple facets from a work and passion perspective that aid to your overall happiness.

One thing I’d like to briefly talk about though, is the pressure of finding “it”. Your thing. This feeling that I’m describing stems from the common desire that everyone has to find that one “thing” they’re meant to do in life. We as humans tend to feel unsatisfied until we activate that part of ourselves.

The crazy thing is, if you ever look at someone who is known as wildly successful, when you do some light digging, they don’t just do that one “thing”. They have tons of side-gigs and activities that they also do, whether that be truly on side, or they’ve made a secondary career out of a new “thing” they’re passionate about.

Take Shaquille O'Neal for example. Shaq had an incredibly impressive NBA career with the Lakers and Miami Heat. Now, he has multiple business investments (one of which being 5 Guys, a personal favorite), he’s dabbled in being an international DJ, and more recently became a deputy in Florida. He’s also a dad, which is also a full time job. The man cannot be stopped.

Don’t get me wrong, his career in the NBA helped make a lot of his more recent endeavours possible, especially from a financial perspective. But what I think is most interesting about him, is that he’s always jumping on something new and interesting.

I obviously don’t know him, and couldn’t tell you the first thing about what it is that inspires him to do all these unique things, but I like to think that it has something to do with fulfilling that desire we hold inside ourselves.

You see, I firmly believe, that we as humans are really meant to do a lot of different “things”. It’s not really a single “thing” that can really scratch that itch we have inside of us.

When we put that pressure on ourselves to find that single “thing”, it adds more weight to ourselves and the process than the act of actually finding it, or doing it.

For example, being a professional athlete takes a serious amount of dedication and work. You have to literally eat, sleep and breathe your sport. While your career as a professional athlete could be your macro passion, I strongly believe you need a bit of balance that lives outside of that. Many professional athletes do tons of charity work and have other passionate areas of their lives that they activate through those activities that are far from their day job.

So perhaps we should cut ourselves a bit of a break. Instead of forcing ourselves to find that one thing in life that fulfills our purpose, we should put more emphasis on the culmination of activities, items, people, or desires that help make truly fulfill what we’re looking for out of life that enact passion inside of us.

When I think about myself in five years I want to see myself as someone who appreciates various aspects of my macro and micro “definitions” of who I am. I don’t want to be seen as a person who is great at just one thing.

I’ve talked about this before, that life is about appreciating all the little things that make every day so wonderful and worth living for. And at the same time, also ensuring you’re satisfied and fulfilled with those macro things.

Of the many people I know who chose to spend their lives in corporate America, they also have great hobbies and other jobs outside of work that tap into other passionate areas of their life. The same goes for my friends who have chosen the path to be a stay-at-home parent. Sure, the majority of their time was spent focused on their children while they were young and growing, but their life isn’t solely focused on that one singular thing.

It’s never just been that one “thing” for any of them. Yes, they have that macro focus, but it’s truly the culmination of many “things” that fill their passion cup.

The trick is finding those macro and micro passions and then tapping into them. Whether that be as large as being a parent, working in corporate America, or becoming a pro athlete… or the micro activities such as joining a quilting club, writing articles for a website that only a few of your followers might read, or even becoming a pro at series binging to the point where you could name the guy operating the boom in season three, episode four of Friends… All of it adds to what makes you, you.

Writing on this website makes me feel like I have an outlet for my millions of passionate, random thoughts that fill my brain, and it’s a micro passion I have on the side. Painting lets me visually express myself through my ridiculous, passionate use of multiple colors in odd ways, which is my other micro passion. Cooking and populating my “hayeats” instagram page with random recipes I’ve created, copied, and tweaked is also my micro passion. (I love food, almost too much)

Another big thing that's been on my mind is who I surround myself with. What are the kind of people I want to be in my life in five years?

I’ve got a pocket full of people who I adore and admire in my life today. A big part of my twenties has been weeding out some of those individuals who didn’t fill my cup. Ridding my life of toxic relationships and friendships that don’t fit with me.

I’ve talked about this in past entries where I mention Value Bringers. Value Bringers are those people who, quite literally by the name, bring me value. They are that group of individuals who are a cheer squad of humans that raise me up. They’re also humans who push me to be a better version of myself.

So in five years, I want to bring that same value of friendship into my thirties. I want to have intentional friendships where those humans sit down with me and have a casual cup of coffee, and in the same breath aren’t afraid to tell me I have spinach in my teeth from the quiche I ate earlier that morning.

What’s hard though, is that sometimes people leave. Whether that be as drastic as leaving the city you’re in together, or leaving this world. So a part of me being intentional as a human being, and intentional with my macro and micro passions, I want to be intentional with the time that I spend with my people.

I don’t want to take for granted the relationships I have with my friends, colleagues, lovers, family, and so forth. I also don’t want to waste time on people who don’t want to be around.

And with that mentality, I think in five years I’d like to see myself build on those relationships, and maybe even perhaps create new ones.

To summarize my “in five years” headspace, I’ve kind of landed at the following:

1. I want to be intentional with my time.

2. I want to be intentional with my creative macro and micro passions.

3. I want to be intentional with my people.

So, when I’m thirty-two years old, hypothetically still living in New York City, I want to be intentional. Full stop.

Being present in that mentality, in a way drives me. And, it gives me this odd sense of solace knowing that this is the umbrella word “intention” is the one that I’d like to use to guide my life.