There are so many negative things that have happened this year. From the pandemic to racial injustice, to an incredibly stressful election season... just to name a few. So many people are frustrated, sick, in pain, and suffering.
And it’s incredibly sad. The world is feeling a bit off-kilter, as you could say. But I assure you change is brewing and there is in fact a light at the end of the tunnel.
Throughout my entire life, I’ve tried to be an optimistic light in the room. I’ve found that approaching things with an optimistic outlook creates a more positive experience. From breakups to hard work challenges, ugly gossip or rumors, bad hair days, and so forth, I’ve tried to do my best to remain positive and tackle these things with an open, empathetic, and willing mind.
I’ve found through the years that usually it bodes well and everything ends up working out one way or another. It’s not of course without hard work or dedication to resolve something, but trying to see the light through the darkness, as they say, offers hope I like to think.
But to be real, being optimistic all the time is sometimes pretty exhausting. It’s draining when things aren’t going right, and you can’t seem to figure out why. It’s grueling when you’re grieving from a lost loved one who could have lived another day. It’s stressful when you make a mistake and aren’t sure how to resolve it.
Pessimism, when you’re stuck, I like to think is similar to a dark cloud that hangs over you. A bad rainy day where you can’t get the things done that you intended to do. And boy, is it frustrating.
And sometimes, it’s okay to have those pessimistic days. It’s realistic from time to time, but letting it overtake your mind and swallow you whole isn’t healthy.
I had a friend in college who couldn’t quite figure out what to do with his life. He was always switching majors, failing classes, switching majors again, and then to top it all off his extracurricular activities would fall apart around him as well. To which sometimes this affected his transcripts and student record at our university. I won’t dwell on the details of his mishaps, but all these things posed a problem for his future, and thus, made him a very pessimistic and negative person.
You see, he would get stuck in the vicious cycle of refusing to accept that sometimes things just didn’t work out in the ways we intended them. He was overly pessimistic and negative towards his academic future, his friends, his coworkers, his girlfriend, and more.
One day after helping a friend build a website as a favor, something clicked. He was really, and I mean really, good at writing code and fixing bugs. It would take him an extra year to graduate, and six months after that to find a job, but when he finally did he was happy. He had finally found what it was he felt proud of, and I suppose it changed him.
A few years later, he and I met for drinks at a bar in Atlanta. He raved about his current company and the work they were doing, his new apartment, and even the cat he adopted. He had let go of the past aggression that he held towards the university staff that he felt had wronged him, and was even looking to buy a house in the next year. The man had grown, and it showed.
So I asked him, what changed? Why did he let go of the aggression and frustration? How was he able to shift his perspective? Why was he suddenly so much nicer?
And his answer was simple. He simply said he got tired of being angry all the time.
The kid was a realist, and through coming to terms with his failures and accepting his small successes, he was able to let go and view life with more optimism and less pessimism.
I’ll never truly know whether it was that specific turning point for him in college, or perhaps if it was a culmination of things that contributed towards his change of mindset. Either way, I was proud to see that an old friend had grown and decided to change his perspective.
You see, life really is a matter of perspective. We choose to get up every day, brush our teeth, comb our hair, and work... But what we also do is set our emotional tone for the way in which we approach the day. The level of effort you put into your appearance on the outside, while it may matter to you to an extent, really isn’t what will matter on the inside.
You can choose to let go of the dreary outlook, tackle your problems head-on, and try to wake up with a smile on your face to do all these things.
It’s so remarkable what optimism can do, and I wish that I could share this perspective with everyone I know. Maintaining a positive outlook has changed many bad days into okay days. Okay days into good days. And good days into great days.
This year has been totally grueling. Whether you have been directly, or indirectly, affected by the things that have happened this year, it’s been a learning year for the world.
We’re learning that racism is much more present and it isn’t an option to ignore. We’re learning how to survive a global pandemic and work from home. We’re learning to educate ourselves in policy and care about the future of our country. The list goes on and on...
But what I think we’ve learned the most during this time is actually about ourselves. We’re understanding our limits and desires. We’ve gone over the experiences we miss, and the ones we took for granted. We have spent an insane amount of time in our own heads. And you know what, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Spending all this time with ourselves I think has been in a way therapeutic.
Now, I can’t speak for you, your friends, cousins, or coworkers... but this year I’ve learned a hell of a lot about myself. And I like to think that through learning, I’ve become much more self-aware in the process. Perhaps it’s my optimistic perspective that shifts all the negativity that has circulated this year into something positive... or who knows, maybe I’m just a giant ball of happy goo.
Through everything, all we truly have are our actions and reactions to the world around us. Choosing to approach things with a negative outlook isn’t conducive to positive change. Instead, choosing to approach things with an optimistic outlook can create positive change. Your mindset is everything.
This year I’ve chosen to take these experiences, digest them, educate myself on them, and hopefully, by doing this it will help me grow as a woman.
I hope that if you’re grappling with something that might be hindering you from growing that you take a beat to shift your perspective.
Do yourself a favor and grab a cup of coffee. Clear your mind of the negativity, give yourself some grace, and perhaps maybe even a bit of empathy. Because at the end of the day, if you haven't figured this out already, you, my friend, are the one you have to live with for the rest of your life. Now go and make it worthwhile.
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