What an incredibly wild year it’s been...
From the Australian wildfires, Kobe and Gigi’s passing, COVID-19, the BLM movement, and police brutality (both of which are still incredibly relevant), the election… need I go on? This year has been absolutely bananas. Simply wild.
With everything that has happened, or hasn’t, there is so much to be said about what we’ve learned this year. The insane amount of self-reflection, education, and solitude has pushed all of us in ways that are hard to simply explain.
Over the last twelve months, I’ve learned a lot.
But today, I’m here to share with you two of many of the lessons I learned over each of these crazy months during this insane year, and why I feel all these things have made me grow as a human.
We’ll start from the beginning.
Patience is Truly a Virtue
The TLDR version of this section is: Quarantine taught me patience.
My entire life I’ve been a somewhat impatient person. I always want to get something done in the most efficient and rapid way possible. I’m by no means hasty or rude about my impatience, it just bothers me to wait for things or waste my time. And I’ll be the first one to acknowledge that this impatience is kind of selfish.
For my Enneagram 7’s out there, I know you can relate. We like the highs of instant gratification. Before a project ends, we’re already on to the next thing.
Sure, there are areas of my life where I am incredibly patient. I find it very valuable to be patient when listening to others. I make a point to ensure that my friends feel heard and never rushed in their explanations, feelings, and more. But when it comes to activities, I’m always wanting to bop around. I love to have things to do, lots of them.
And when quarantine hit, my impatience heightened. Going through weeks of a quarantine where the only place I ventured off to was the grocery store once every two-weeks while living at my parent’s house was ridiculously grueling for my social butterfly self (yes, dramatic, I’m aware).
I hardly knew what to do with myself the first few weeks because I was so used to having everything at the tips of my fingers. Living in New York I have the pleasure of having almost every type of cuisine around each corner, multiple museums to visit, numerous neighborhoods to explore, various parks to picnic in, and every bar you could think of to dance or drink in.
And in the period of two weeks, all that stopped and I panicked.
Selfishly, I was so wrapped up and frustrated with all the things I was going to miss. Weddings, birthdays, traveling abroad to Switzerland in May, all the dates I would go on, parties, work events, and more… The list went on and on. I was so frustrated with everything that was suddenly taken away from me. All the experiences and things I wanted to get done were completely put on hold. As they were for everyone.
And then I quickly calmed down and gave myself a reality check.
People were dying. People are still dying.
Humans across our country, and other countries, were and are still losing their jobs.
Essential workers have been practically killing themselves trying to aid those who are sick. Completely risking their lives to try and fight this thing.
And this humbled the hell out of me. I had no right to be sitting there complaining about all the things I was going to miss, so I decided to completely change my mindset.
Through actively deciding to shift my perspective, I found patience and optimism. Patience in waiting and earning the right to do those things again. Optimism in finding the benefits of this new reality of the work-from-home lifestyle.
I came to terms with not knowing when we were going to be back in the office again with our coworkers. I accepted the fact that a vaccine wasn’t going to be available for a while, and that this was our new reality for the foreseeable future.
I began to realize that through all this down-time, I found time to work on myself and on things that truly felt more rewarding. I worked out more, and I learned how to be patient and appreciate my body. I read more books than I have in years, and I felt full. I took care of my skin and developed a good routine that I still practice to this day. I started this website, and I’ve written over fifty-eight pages of content that I’m hoping to all share one day.
And when I got to see my people, I took the safety precautions of quarantining before I ventured off to see them. Before traveling or flying, I’d get a test. When I’d be surrounded by groups of people I didn’t know, I’d wear my mask, not for my own protection but for the protection of others. The reward of being able to safely be around my people became that much more worth it.
I’ve also challenged myself to be patient in my romantic relationships. Good things come in time. Being patient with myself has been huge in enjoying being alone. I’ll be the first one to admit though, I don’t like spending copious amounts of time by myself, but this year I’ve learned to enjoy it. I thoroughly enjoy being single and doing my own thing. It feels really good.
Now, in that same lane, I do acknowledge the fact that I love enjoying life with someone by my side. But urging myself to be patient and enjoy the moment and process of life and its ups and downs is already so much more rewarding than I anticipated.
I’ve written this a hundred times before, but at the end of the day, you have to be happy with who you are alone before you can fully love someone else. And I’m confident that being patient with my dating life will cultivate something more fulfilling in the future.
I’m happy being alone. I thoroughly enjoy spending a lone Sunday afternoon on my couch writing while I listen to my Top 2020 songs from Spotify. I look forward to the downtime because it makes the ‘fun time’ that much sweeter and more precious.
This year taught me patience, and how valuable it can be when you give yourself the opportunity to be patient with your surroundings, those around you, and your future. Everything is so unknown right now, and that’s reality.
Today, I can confidently say I’m at peace with that, and I feel calmer than I have in years.
Now, on to lesson two...
Gratitude and Grace
This one is a bit of a heavier topic.
While there has already been a lot of death and destruction this year, death has been much closer to my family this year than it has in a while.
This fall my aunt passed away. It was hard on my family, and especially hard on her children and husband, my uncle. The painful experience she and her close loved ones went through is one I would never wish on anyone. I was there when my Uncle proposed to her in my mother’s kitchen a few years back, and in reflecting on those memories it was saddening to imagine how awful this loss has been for those closest to her.
Earlier this year, an old friend of mine was tragically killed in a motor vehicle accident in June. It was completely out of the blue and absolutely shocking to the world around him. Suddenly he was here, and then he wasn’t. I hadn’t been close with him for some time, but he was one of the reasons why I attended The University of Tennessee for college, and had been my boss at one of my first jobs, Sonic. He was truly an incredible man, a wonderful friend, and a hero in many ways. I can’t fathom what his widow, his family, and close friends have gone through, and are continuing to go through to this day.
Death is hard, and grief is a woman that I don’t know how to talk to.
But what these two experiences have taught me this year is gratitude and grace.
Life is so incredibly short, and we have a limited time to make an impact on our own lives, and those around us.
This year, I have found a wealth of gratitude for those people I value most around me. I am incredibly thankful for my parents and my brother and the better relationship I’ve built with them through quarantine.
I’m completely indebted to my close friends who have been there for me in ways that I cannot begin to describe. And I'm also grateful for the opportunities that I’ve been able to receive through work, and for the talented individuals who surround me.
I’ve also learned a lot of grace. Grace and patience go hand and hand, but grace to me is more than just patience, it’s also the act of honoring and being courteous to the world around you.
Knowing there are so many negative and terrible things that can, and have, happened in this year, this lifetime, and the lifetimes before me… It has encouraged me to learn to approach life with more grace. To treat others with more kindness than they may need or deserve.
You never know what another human being is going through. You have no idea what’s going on behind closed doors or in their mind.
I’ve always found it important to treat others with kindness, but this year has truly shown me just how important it is to offer grace to those around you.
And even more importantly, to yourself. Giving yourself the grace to grieve, mourn, work on yourself, grow… and more is so needed. We have to cut ourselves some slack. There is no doubt that we are our biggest critics, and that my friend is probably one of the hardest things to combat.
Our internal critics are constantly telling us how fat we look, how tired our eyes must be, how stupid that comment we made was, or how deep our wrinkles look with each passing day. It tells us that we’re not confident enough, not good enough, not smart enough, not loved enough, or funny. And this internal critic isn’t healthy.
We have to remind ourselves to be grateful for our minds, bodies, and those around us. Remind ourselves to cut us some slack, and give ourselves a little grace. That the internal critic isn’t a fair one. That this critic isn’t giving us grace. It isn’t giving us the warranted gratitude for who we are.
Empowering myself to cut me some slack has been a huge learning thing for me this year. Learning to be grateful for my body, life, career, family, and more has impacted the way I view myself in the world.
These two things have completely opened my eyes in ways that I can’t begin to describe. It’s weird, I’ll admit. Patience is something I struggle with, and giving myself grace and gratitude is hard. Sure, it might sound odd, but it’s a challenge nonetheless.
I hope that if you’ve somehow struggled this year, or perhaps haven’t had the best luck with optimism, that you challenge yourself to look at this year through a different lens. Try to appreciate the things you’ve learned about yourself and the areas in which you’ve improved as a human being.
Life is too short to dwell on the negative mishaps. Take them, ingest them, reflect on them, and push yourself to grow. Give yourself that patience. That grace. And celebrate the gratitude you owe yourself and others.
It's worth it, I promise.
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